Jolly Roger H3
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Pirate Invasion of
Treasure Coast Hash
Run #396
Saturday, July 12th, 2008
 



Click here to view the pics.



Hare BlessingX



Whore Moans, a MILF and a Beaver,
Now, this trail is sweeter
Than others that we’ve run amuck
We’ve come all this way
And you’ll hear us say
That this trail is shitty as fuck!

Beaver…you fuck,
We’re all in a rut,
Ever since the day you left us
But its not you we miss
We want a Whore Moans kiss
Then we’ll go back to where you left us

Jolly Roger is road whoring
No Way! It’s not boring
We’ve come to invade your hash
Its Pirates, we are
But we came here by car
And we’ll plunder all of your stash

Harelip Dogg

Hash Trash

“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets, rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.” -Edward Bulwer-Lytton

Okay, same shit except for the night-part. As the afternoon passed, there sat eight of us wanks praying to the Sun Gods and drinking beer at Leave It In Beaver and Whoremoans’ crib. Nothing beats pre-lubing for five hours prior to the ho-down! We kept ourselves somewhat busy; we moved furniture, teased the baby leopard until it hacked away at the inside of Wanna Earn and A’s thighs, and we let the Abyssinian pussy out for the alligators, at Whoremoans’ request. When it was time to HEAD to start, the weaker wanks donned rain gear (Wanna Earn An A, Fart, Whoremoans and GRC), and the stronger ones stripped from wearing all clothes, to save them for later since us pirates only have one set of clothes (Dab,Leave It In Beaver, Harelip Dogg and myself, Casual Friday).

We arrived at the crack park, I mean the start location, and commenced pre-lube #2. The rain let up as the Treasure Coast wankers started to arrive. We wondered if our threat of a take-over scared them all away, but much to our delight we ended up with a battle! Can You Not Talk and Pussy For Less (and what a deal she gave!) showed up from the Orlando hash; I wasn’t sure which side they were on for the invasion. Another wheeled vessel arrived with two wenches from the Treasure Coast; Mama and Mustache Rider. They were both dressed in pirate gear, looking a bit intimidating. The Treasure Coast’s token tall wank was Goes Both Ways…Harelip had his match! The beautiful Just Shelly brought her gorgeous friend, Virgin Meagan. Just Shelly would be drinking as she did not explain anything about what a hash is to her virgin. Kudos to Virgin Meagan for blindly following her friend with allegiance. AOL from Palm Beach pulled the same stunt with his virgin, Virginia (won’t she get a stellar name eventually!). Oh yeah, he was drinking at circle, too. Megatron Bonaparte and his boy Just Jonathon arrived with the treasure box. Just Jonathon at eleven years old proved to be their strongest link. Whoreshack and Kinderball Digger also showed up for the invasion. Got MILF joined Beaver and Whoremoans to lay trail the second time, as the first pre-lay was washed away by the ten-hour-long monsoon we had earlier in the day. GRC opted-out of helping for the second time with the flour and took control of the B-van; a strategic move if I’ve ever seen one!

As us Pirates of the Cari-beer-run had pre-lubed all day while teasing pussies, the chronological order of events have escaped me, as usual. I do remember just prior to on-out, I was in luck when I eyeballed a women’s restroom at the crack park. I ran for a quick pit stop and was somewhat surprised by the sign posted on the restroom door, “Under camera surveillance and security checks.” Okay, I’ve been under camera surveillance and security checks before; that’s how I got my hash name and my 15 seconds of fame on youtube. So I went in.

On trail, there were many opportunities to express ourselves as trains crossed and paralleled our trail (see Dab’s photos) and we crossed over a draw bridge a few times and woke up the drawbridge master. One poor catfish stuck on the draw bridge got an instant naming, SLF (smells like fish) and was honored on trail (see Dab’s photos). There were also quite a few local fishermen who now know exactly what “A-cup twangers” look like. They didn’t speak much English but sure knew how to smile and give a thumb’s up!

After running through some very impressive row houses, Just Jonathon was gaining on Wanna Earn An A and me. Wanna voiced her concern over not allowing him to beat our stride and Jonathan uttered something about us being “…old and slow” while passing our arses. Wanna let him know that he should slow down so she could kick his ass, and his response was “Game on!”

Wanna had previously mentioned something about her being able to run better with a blown-out sandal, but I digress.

While the terrain was beautifully green and the boardwalks were quite impressive, there was also the bridge from hell. Of course Harelip ran the bridge four times back and forth as he felt he needed the extra mileage (show off) and Wanna took the 50-mile bridge challenge because the little wanking bastard pissed her off earlier. I on the other hand, was lucky enough to be running with a few local hashers, and got the inside scoop. We had the opportunity to run the bridge from hell, or to short-cut beneath the bridge and cross the river via the draw bridge to end at the same area; thank God that area was a beer check! There were three beer checks in all, thank goodness, as the trail seemed to be 100 miles long. I think all the runners sweated out 10 pounds of salt and body fluid by circle.

Another beer check chalk mark was graced with Crabby, the chain-smoking crab (see Dab’s photos). He gave the wankers a head’s up that beer was near as well as a chance to light up. After Wanna Earn An A and I played “toss the crab”, all wanks steered clear of us as our hands smelled like decaying moose vomit. At the beer stop, all we had was water to rinse, and GRC poured scotch on our hands. It was supposed to kill something, but I think between the scotch and the smell of death on our hands, it only killed our sense of smell.

After Harelip dipped in a fountain of youth, he and I crossed some train tracks and laughed as the crossing arms had closed down on the rest of the wankers behind us. I heard some shouting as Wanna Earn An A bounded across the tracks, bobbing and weaving the lowered arms that are supposed to alert you that a train is about to smash your wanking ass. You go girl! Harelip got his due, as later on he was hopelessly stuck behind two very long trains while the rest of us were headed towards beer. He must have really wanted to get to a beer stop as he had classically blown through a ladies check. Wanna was about to do something with her hand (my memory was fogged due to drinking the nectar of the Gods) and her classic line was, “Oh! Not that hand, I know where it’s been!” I wonder if she was talking about the dead crab smell, or if something else had happened on trail behind some shiggy.

At Circle, Just Jonathan had come in DFL, due to some classic crotch rot he picked up from being a star footballer. Wanna stuck her nasty smelling hand in his face and asked if he ever heard the story of the turtle and the hare. Just Shelly and Virgin Meagan got to circle with wet jeans, as they also hit a fountain of youth. Funny, it worked better for them than it did Harelip. After Just Jonathan had a pint of logger and let our RA know that he forgot to have the virgins entertain us, Treasure Coast ’s GM, Megatron Bonaparte was floured by our own GRC. As she took it easy on him with the flour, he complained that we didn’t know how to properly flour a GM. Just Shelly took the bag and quickly dumped the remains of the flour directly on top of his head without blinking. I’d say we KNEW how to properly flour--by allowing his own people to turn on him!

Now that’s an invasion!

On-On!
Casual Friday


 

Jolly Roger H3
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Run #396
(Road Trip Hash)
Pirate Invasion of the Treasure Coast (Stuart, FL)
Saturday, July 12th, 2008

  • What: The Jolly Roger H3, of the Tampa Bay Metro Area, is invading the Treasure Coast (Stuart, Florida) and everyone is welcomed and encouraged to participate.

  • Where: Meet in the Sheppard's Park rear parking lot, located at 610 SW Ocean Blvd, in Stuart, Florida.  Click here for a map.

  • When: Meet at 4:00 PM, on hares away at 5:00 PMish.

  • Hares: Previous Jolly Roger H3 hasher, LeaveItInBeaver, who recently got shanghaied to Stuart, FL will be the primary hare and MILF, a local Teasure Coast hasher, will be the co-hare.

  • Cost: $5 donation.  We will also be offering the new Jolly Roger H3 shirt for an additional $15.

  • On After: The on after will be at the Stuart Grille & Ale, located at 1630 SE Federal Hwy, in Stuart, Florida. To get there from the starting location, go east on Ocean Blvd, north on Federal Hwy for 1.5 miles and find the Stuart Grille & Ale on the right.

  • Hash Hotel: The Hash Hotel will be at the Ramada Inn, located at 1200 SE Federal Hwy, in Stuart, Florida. If you book your room online through www.cheaprooms.com a room will cost you $68 per night, which includes tax. If you book over the telephone it will probably be more. To make reservations on the telephone call 866-809-3251. To call the hotel dial 772-287-6900. To visit their website go to http://www.ramada-stuart.com.

  • RSVP: Please send an e-mail to dab@jollyrogerh3.com with your hash name, mortal name, home hash, nearest major city, shirt size and if you will be staying at the hash hotel.

  • Phone Number: For more information, or in case you get lost, call our mobile phone at 813-943-4855.



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