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Hare Blessings
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Hash Trash

Jolly Roger H3, Saturday, June 20 Hash Trash
Hares: GRC & Casual Friday

START: Holy Cow! It was a hot one at the Save-A-Lot in the hood! Many brave wankers showed up to power through the heat with 169% humidity. GRC and I prelaid a fantastic trail (it was GRC’s brainchild), and slogged through the 98 degree heat which felt like 2,069 degrees according to the weatherman. With 69 pounds of flour and 1,069 ounces of water to share between us, we completed the trail just in time to suck down a beer before it was time for On-Out!

ON-OUT!: Riding in the beer van with A/C blowing, we hid the van on trail and watched through the windshield while wankers were clearing trail. It was perfectly clear the heat was slowing them down, yet that dang racist GatorAte was in the lead, as usual. I took note of Gator marking the decision point for the wanks behind him; and had a good laugh when all the turkey wankers ignored his mark and sucked themselves into the same bad trail. We took the beer van to the beer stop and positioned ourselves so we could see the FRBs coming in. The race was on between Taint Tickler and Gator; I could tell Gator was sandbagging; I assumed he was storing his energy for the finish. Taint Tickler won the beer stop and looked like he was ready to barf. GatorAte had just enough energy to lift his middle finger towards the sky while he was laying flat on his back. The rest of the pack was not far behind; all wanks kept up with each other pretty good. There was not one dry speck of clothing in the bunch; they all worked up a good sweat getting sucked into each of the 269 check backs in a pinwheel formation. Mission Impossible and Virgin Kevin spied the pack and short-cutted to the beer van. The pack was on-out again, to be met with a challenging barbed wire fence. They lucked-out; the killer dog that lives behind the fence was caged, so we got to keep our limbs. All wanks made it through the small hole unscathed; but secretly I was hoping for some good blood on trail, as I always do! I walked with the pack and assured them that they would make it through the final 1.69 miles after the second beer stop. After congratulating Taint for winning the beer stop FRB again, I begged the pack to load up on water so they could finish the rest of the 6-mile trail without getting heat exhaustion. A lot of moans and groans were heard and GRC suggested they suck it up and get going immediately.

Trail was completed just 2 blocks down the road from the second beer check and Just Wayne had a few four-lettered words for the hares. GatorAte had another finger to show me and I asked them what they expected from the hares but shenanigans (hey, it was briefed at pre-circle for the virgins). As I expected, GatorAte had energy in reserve and won the hash again; he is such a show-off.

CIRLCLE: Despite half the pack feeling nauseous and barfing their lunches, there were many thumbs up during trail trial. Two thumbs were down, seems it was not hot enough and there were not enough check backs. Gator called on Taint for a song, and he was speechless; my guess is he was still trying to catch his breath from winning the beer stops. The visiting Starferry, Virgin Kevin and Virgin Jeremy entertained the energy-drained pack with jokes. Virgin Kevin pulled out two full pieces of paper from his pocket and informed us he had a joke. I would have traded in my good shoulder for a blowtorch at that moment! GatorAte saved the day by snatching the paper and eating it. Just Tabatha got to drink for being Virgin Kevin’s sponsor and not schooling him on “faster funnier.” Gator did himself in the circle with the chain; making his mom proud once again. Taint was moving very slowly, apparently there are drawbacks to racing. Are chaffed balls really worth making your your dad accept you as his son? The brainless award nominees included Tabitha for bringing a virgin with a novel to entertain the pack, Likes to Watch for leaving her hash history and car keys at the first beer stop, Taint for chaffing his balls to win, and myself for taking Likes to Watch’s hash life and her way back home. I then dimed-out Just Wayne for taking her things, knowing he wouldn’t dime-me-out for hiding her things, because he’s still a green wanker. Just Wayne won the brainless; was I supposed to feel guilty? Accusations included Likes To Watch for not crossing the street because she “needed a breather,” Rectal Roommate for trying to dime-out a hare for not having chalk (hell, the Turkeys didn't follow the marks anyway!), and myself for volunteering to help GRC prelay a 1,069 mile trail in 100,069 degree heat index (that might have been the brainless). Like the true retard hasher that I am, I forgot to make GatorAte drink for drawing a rude illustration of himself in my hash notes that were covered in orange cheesy ball stuff; not sure if the two things were related.

The virgins were schooled in Swing Low and the hash got a piece.

On-On!
Casual Friday