Jolly Roger H3 Trail  No. 1012
Wednesday, June 25th, 2014
Way To No Christmas In China Trail

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Hare Blessing

Spread Cheeks the Chinese hasher
Ran with hit butt cheeks clinched
So then he ask Snatch Wrapper
What he could do about this

She told him to go hashing
But not just any normal one
She said that Chinese in June
Would be a lot more fun

The one rainy Wednesday night
Dabadoo came to say
Someone with no plans next week
Won't you the hash for me

Then Spread and Snatch dediced
As everyone else took  flight
That they would volunteer
To make it their Halfway to No Christmas in China night

Repeat after me

Bless these hares
Bless this trail
Coppus no catch us
Heatus no stroke us
And unlike grandma
Reinderus no runoverus

Standard Blessing

Ranger Ralph

Hare, FRB, FBI & Brainless Award Winner (Basic Hash Trash)

Spread Cheeks & Snatch Wrapper were the hares, FUI was the FRB, F*ck That Fence was the FBI and FUI won the Brainless Award.


 Hash Trash (Expanded Hash Trash or map of trail)

It was a beautiful Wednesday night that brought out 30 faces to the hash. Or was it because Spread Cheeks and Snatch Wrapper, our "semi-live hares", have collectively always done such a superb job of putting events together and they had been pimping this one out for several days? I call it an event because it was much more than just a trail. Both the hares showed up wearing festive Christmas attire for this "Half Way To No Christmas In China Trail". This was Spread Cheeks' (a Chinese descendant) way of protesting the fact that the Chinese are not allowed to celebrate Christmas in China (at least the Jesus part anyway - see below for his actual description). There were Ginger Bread /Reindeer Splits & Rejoins (otherwise know as Turkey/Eagle Splits & Rejoins), milk/cookie stops (some sort of yummy crème liqueurs and cookies) for us Jesus followers, and a separate egg roll/soy stop for the Chinese purists, all compliments of the hares. Whatever your favor was, everyone was invited to partake in both delicious snacks. This well marked, strategically planned trail was an awesomely laid. Everyone, both runners and walkers all pretty much arrived at the end about the same time and kept passing each other throughout trail. Kick ass, and well done hares!

Ranger Ralph was the Religious Advisor (RA), Urine Trouble acted at his On Sec (Hash Secretary) and as Hash Cash, Lesbiorthecox acted as Beer Angel, Kitty Litter acted as Song Meister, leading us through a song or two after hares away, Inda Linda was Hash Flash, Spread Cheek's wench, Observer Gail, drove the beer truck to the beer stop and I Be Smart drove the beer truck to then end. Also during trail, at the ladies checks, On Ahead modeled her new bra that had so many clasps on it, she was unable to let the puppies out for a walk. It was like a chas"titty" bra. Good look one handing that one IBS!

During trail trial it was mostly thumbs up with only a few thumbs down for silly things that really weren't the hares fault, or else insignificant considering the quality of trail that had been laid. Even though it was a really hot night, several hashers who normally walk, were noticed trying to run it, like Bed-N-Bucfest for instance. I think U-Drive's & Access All Areas' dogs even liked trail as they were both panting heavily during circle at the end to show their appreciation; probably because trail was a bit long for a Wednesday night. The hares said true trail was about 3.69 miles, without the count backs and falsies, and 3 miles is the recommended length for a weeknight. Some reported doing around 5 mile according to their wrist GPS's. Nobody really complained about the length though, but it did cause circle to spill over past 9:30 PM. Not a big deal, unless you where hoping for a well attended on after. The few that did go said they had some really good specials. We may have to go there again when time is not an issue.

During circle, we welcomed Virgin Brent (C), brought by Cockeyed, and Virgin Terri, invited by F*ck That Fence (who got a blow job for accomplishing her 5th JRH3 trail). They tried to entertain us, but no everybody has the knack for that. Then we recognized Gone too long, "These Are The Tits You Are Looking For"  who showed up wear about the same skimpy outfit she wore last November when it was freezing cold out. At least she wore the correct lack of clothes this time. Speaking of attendance, Spread Cheeks received a 125 Run bandana for accomplishing that many trails with the JRH3. Woo hoo! Congrats to you Spread Cheeks...

Peterphile collected chalk at the end for us and reported 100% compliance. However the RA, Ranger Ralph, pulled his out (chalk that is) to show him he missed collecting his. I forgot to take any myself because I was too busy doing whatever I do during the circle at the start.

Flying Under The Influence received the Brainless Award for 2 things (I think). One, for saying his name was Head Plant Vagina (HPV) during introductions, thereby earning the privilege to carry the FRB chain on trail, since HPV was the most recent FRB, and secondly, for falling flat on his ass near the end of trail.

Special thanks go out to Diaper Dasher, assisted by Shitty Name, who finally brought the keg & equipment back from the Diaper's Pool Party Hash a few weeks back. And to Willy Wanka for doing nothing. That's Okay, Wanka, sometimes just showing up is good enough; you too Whiney Bitch. And thank you Goes Down Easy, who was also in attendance having  Parrott Head with-drawls. There's one next Wednesday honey. You can go then instead of hashing. But we will miss you. Come to think of it, Goes Down Easy was also a Gone too long.

Twins, Rectal Room Mate and Sloppy Red Wings were pretty quiet during this hash, however Rectal did announce Extended Dick Network's TBH3 Beach Hash coming up on Saturday, July 5th during announcements. Speaking of announcements, Snatch Rapper, one of the hares for this Saturday's St Pete Pride Hash, announced her event, and I mentioned the Circus hash for this coming Sunday. Then I asked for volunteers to hare for next Wednesday, July 2nd, and made my traditional plug for next January's Hash Cruise. Spread Cheeks identified where the on after was and we closed circle with Swing Low.

All in all it was just another shitty hash...

BTW, we are looking for a new Hash Scribe to write this crap.

We're still looking for a hare for next Wed, Jul 2nd! Click here if interested.


Thank you, Snatch Wrapper, for a wonderfully fun co-haring experience on last night's "Halfway to No Christmas in China" trail (and for the Rumchata Santa shot stop concoctions that out of the gate slowed down so many runners). And a shout-out also goes out to Wok N' Roll on Kennedy Blvd. for whipping together some mighty delicious (and cat-free) spring rolls, to Gail Tanner Liu for baking Santa's cookies and driving the Dab-mobile, and to all the hashers who defied Mao Zedong by coming out.

Spread Cheeks

Trail Directions & Info

Jolly Roger H3 Trail  No. 1012
Wednesday, June 25th, 2014
Half Way To No Christmas In China Trail

Theme: Since June 25th is halfway to Christmas everywhere, except in China, we are celebrating in Hash fashion this momentous occasion (but hopefully without tanks running us over). There will be a Milk and Cookies Shot Stop (for those of us who believe in Baby Jesus) and a Soy Sauce Shot Stop for those of us who just look damn good in red all year long.

Where: Meet on the south side of the baseball fields, in Hyde Park, located at approximately 760 S Albany Ave, Tampa, FL 33606,

When: Meet at 6:30 PM, hares away at 7:30 PM.

Directions: From I-275 & I-4, in central Tampa, go south on I-275 for 1.4 miles to Exit 42 toward Howard & Armenia. Go left on Armenia for 1.3 miles. Go left on Swann for 0.2 miles. Go right on Albany and find the Hyde Park on the left across from the Winn Dixie,

Trail: This will be a 3.69 mile trail, with 1 beer stop, and 2 shot stops (see above), and a shiggy level of 0.69, on a 1-5 scale with 5 being the highest.

Donations: Suggest $7 for beer drinkers and $4 for non-beer drinkers.

Hares: Snatch Wrapper and Spread Cheeks will be the hares.

On After: In the spirit of Mexican and Chinese relations in the areas of opium, Mexican drug cartels, the Chinese mafia, cock fights, and Chinese tacos, the on after will be at the Sunova Beach Bar & Restaurant, Soho’s premier beach bar and restaurant, located at 208 S Howard Ave, Tampa, FL 33606. In the interest of preserving our hard-earned American dollars, as China takes over the world, Wednesday night is Mexican Madness night where you can get $3 Margaritas, $2 Dos Equis Amber Pints, and $1 (non-Chinese) tacos (if you drink enough $3 Margaritas, then Chinese tacos are more likely).

On After Directions: To get there from the starting location, go right on Albany, take the first left onto W Swann for 0.1 miles. Go right on Howard for 0.4 miles and find the Sunova Beach on the right,

Phone Number: For more information, or in case you get lost, call our mobile phone at 813-943-4855.

Receding Hareline: Click here to view it.

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